The Law of Pain – When Life Hurts, Let It Teach You

By Siphokazi Sondishe

“Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pain.” – C.S. Lewis

Pain is a school indeed. While most of us do everything we can to avoid it, the truth is, pain is a powerful teacher. This truth came alive during a recent session with Coach Ceniva Kai, as he unpacked John Maxwell’s Law of Pain with insight that left us all reflecting deeply.

According to John Maxwell, “Good management of bad experiences leads to great growth.” The Law of Pain reminds us that everyone experiences pain, but not everyone grows from it. The difference lies in how we respond.

One reflection that stood out powerfully during the class was this: “Problems will introduce you to you.”

This means that when pain surfaces hidden negative emotions, it’s not necessarily a bad thing, it’s an invitation to look inward. Often, pain uncovers broken places within us that we didn’t even realize needed healing. And in that awareness lies the door to real change, growth, and emotional maturity.

We were reminded not to react from a place of brokenness but to respond from a place of intention and training. Everyone is responsible for their own emotions, not the person who triggered them. Even when we are caught off guard by something painful, our response should reflect the person we’ve trained ourselves to become over time.

It’s a radical mindset: Choose happiness and wholeness no matter what happens. Don’t let circumstances or people dictate how you feel or act. That kind of emotional ownership is not only freeing, it’s transformational.

This is where personal growth truly begins. Not in avoiding pain, but in letting it show you what still needs healing, and then choosing to grow through it rather than simply go through it.

As Coach Ceniva Kai so powerfully put it:

“Your true self is revealed when you’re caught off guard, problems introduce you to yourself. It’s not so much what happens to you that matters most, but how you choose to respond. Respond as the person you've trained yourself to become, not as a reaction to the moment.”

— Ceniva Kai

Point of Action: Choose to Grow

Coach Kai reminded us that you are either a winner or a learner. Every painful experience presents a choice, remain stuck or move forward with new wisdom. Here are some simple but powerful steps you can begin taking today:

Make good changes by learning from bad experiences

Don’t waste your pain, let it teach and transform you.

Take responsibility for your life

Stop waiting for others to fix it. Your healing and growth start with you.

Own your emotions

No one else is responsible for how you feel or act. Mastering your emotions is a key to maturity.

Decide to be happy, no matter what

Joy is a choice. Don’t wait for life to feel good, choose to feel good and live on purpose.

Final Thought

Pain is part of the process, but it doesn’t have to define your path. Let it refine you. Let it grow you. And most of all, let it introduce you to the person you were always meant to be.